Although I’ve never participated in an actual freestyle hip hop battle before, I have seen the movie 8 Mile three times so I know a little thing or two about ‘conquering’ the mic. Here’s some of the tips I’ve compiled for a stunted freestyle battler:
1. WWFACD, What Would Fist-A-Cuffs Do?
Dave Chappelle’s hip hop alter ego Fist-A-Cuff’s is an icon to stumbling freestyle battlers everywhere. He taught us that when in doubt, ignore everything you learned in public speaking class: scream “uh” (not to be confused with Master P’s “ugh” which mimics bad hip hop). In addition to “uh”, throw in words like “what”, “yeah”, and make sure to throw in some improvised air punches. Most importantly though, make sure to look directly into our production manager Brian Big Boy’s eyes and say “turn my [mic] up”. Need a reminder of the skit, see below:
2. Look at the walls
Green Room always has plenty of interesting visuals to break anyone out of mental block. Take the below piece of titillating art by Madison Brody as a perfect example (censored by DJ Mig’s hand):
3. If all else fails, 8 Mile them
Can’t dig up dirt about the other contestant, look no further than Eminem’s character in 8 Mile. Rap about your own weaknesses. Start with your race, then your hometown (especially if its in Palm Beach), then your physical appearance, then some kind of sexual rumor that may or may not be true, then sky’s the limit.
Whatever you do, DO NOT GO ALL RUFIO ON THEM
In all seriousness though, tonight’s Brown Bag hip hop freestyle battle should be really entertaining. I’m sure all the contestants will be well-equipped for battle. I’d be remiss though if I said I wasn’t secretly crossing my fingers for a Fist-A-Cuffs tribute tonight.
Brown Bag Wednesday’s Conquer The Mic, $5 at the door, $300 prize to the top dog, 10pm doors, 18+
